New Zealand Brewing Dream Team – The 1st/Thirst XV – The Tight Five

The front row named in my previous post saw Carl Vasta (Tuatara), Chris O’Leary (Emersons) and Joseph Wood (Liberty) as the three hard men of the Kiwi brewing scene. But behind every front row lies the tall timber of the pack… the locks!

Hulks of men with legs like Kauri trees, hands like baseball mitts, size 13 rugby boots and the ball skills to rival an NBA player, the lock’s role is dual purpose. They have the bulk and brute force of the front row, have hands that act like magnets for rugby balls and their height is their asset for those towering line out jumps.

Number 4 – Lock

Who else to put in this position than the man of malt himself, David Cryer. Without him, New Zealand and Australian craft brewers would be lost. His malt empire brings in grains from across the globe and as past President of the New Zealand Brewer’s Guild, his leadership abilities see him crowned as team captain. Cryer always leads from the front and his hair has an almost John Eales-like quality, staying perfectly groomed and coifed… the Captain’s Crown. With height on his side, the big man would be brilliant at stealing lineout ball from the opposition and his great mane of hair is bound to invoke fear in the hearts of his opponents.

The Mighty Captain getting ready for a stirring press conference. Note the full sized tree to the right. Told you he was tall...

Number 5 – Lock

There is only one man who could match Cryer in terms of height and lineout prowess and that is the Wiry Doctor himself, Ralph Bungard of the brilliant Three Boys Brewery of Christchurch. Dr. Bungard would be the thinking man’s forward… using his scientific mind to hunt out and take advantage of the opponents weaknesses. With a diet of Oyster Stout, the big man would be surprisingly more powerful than he looks, but with that light frame, he would devastate in the lineouts. Vasta and Cryer would be able to hoist him to the heavens to secure the ever important rugby ball. Light on his feet with the ability to sidestep the defending players, Dr. Bungard could easily fit into a flanker role. Diversity and smarts. Perfect.

Bungard practicing his lineout catching against some cylindroconical fermenters. He wins the ball again!

Stay tuned for the announcement you’ve all been waiting for… The Loose Forwards!

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