New Zealand Brewing Dream Team – The Thirst XV – The Halves

The pretty fellas. The ones that always have a tube of moisturiser in their after-match bag and often tend to have some sort of aftershave spray that they insist they put on in the changing rooms so that the forwards can get together and punch them.

While the forwards are the guys that do the hard yards up front, it is the responsibility of the backs to pass, catch and kick the ball in the hope of scoring loads of fabulous points so that their team comes out victorious. While there are 8 forwards, there are only 7 backs, most probably because the forwards always want to win if they have to ever fight the backs…

I digress…

Number 9 – Half Back

The most raucous member of the team is usually the link player between forwards and backs. The ability to ferret in, throw forwards out of the way, snaffle the ball, question every decision the ref makes, show disgust at the dodgy calls and scream adulation when the team does well are all attributes well sorted to the feisty scrum half. I’ll be honest, this decision was a tough one for the Thirst XV selectors, and the other candidate will be named in the reserves (as a super-sub of course) but the player likely to be wearing the mighty Number 9 jersey on the pitch is none other than Luke Nicholas, Mr. Epic Beer himself. Never afraid to stick his head out of the gopher-hole and with the knack to make an underhopped lager blush with shame, Nicholas would bring a great set of skills to the team. Antagonising opposition players and fragmenting the refs calls would be his strong points and I imagine post-game, Nicholas would lather himself with pure lupulin glands instead of the standard “soap-on-a-rope” option. Great players that spring to mind? A cross between Graeme Bachop and George Gregan…

 

"Product placement? I don't know what you're talking about..."

Number 10 – Fly Half/1st Five Eighth

The playmaker and clinical to a tee, this position is one of the most important on the field. The ability to make or break a game with a deft chip kick, ninja-like offload of the ball or a low, hard tackle mean there is no room for error. None other than Tracy Banner, Sprig and Fern Brewer extraordinaire could fit into this role. Originally from football territory in the north of England, a cool demeanour and a scientific eye would make Banner an unstoppable tactician on the field. With her brewing prowess encompassing a range of 18 or so beers and ciders as well as a handful of pubs, the ability to analyse play on the field would be a walk in the park. Those early days surrounded by Everton and Liverpool supporters would also pay off with Banner’s boot being one of the more formidable in the game. Kicking goals from anywhere on the field would be a breeze for her and her skills at reading play on the field would mean that hardly a player would get past her text-book tackles. Carter and Wilkinson… beware!

Super skills - The ability to pour 8 pints of beer whilst showing how to execute the perfect spin pass is a walk in the park for Banner

 

Coming soon – The formidable Centres!

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New Zealand Brewing Dream Team – The 1st XV – The Front Row

Whilst at Beervana in Wellington a month or two back, I got chatting to Brendan McKenzie from the newly formed Revolution Brewing. We sat at The Malthouse watching a rugby match between New Zealand and Australia, got chatting about our time in Dunedin, rugby and (of course) brewing. Brendan began chatting about a New Zealand brewing 1st XV, so I thought I’d scrap one together…

Number 1 – Loosehead Prop

Carl Vasta – A veritable hulk of a man, this West Coast powerhouse would be ideal in the front row. The head honcho of Tuatara Brewing could be a bit of a challenge to topple over and I imagine his turn of pace would be similar to another legendary rugby Carl… Carl Hayman, All Black extraordinaire (albeit a tighthead specialist). His welding skills already legendary up and down this Land of the Long White Cloud, who else to act as the man who could potentially hold this team together.

Vasta - Foregoes soft feather pillows and sleeps with the rugby ball

Number 2 – Hooker

This would have to be none other than the nuggety Chris O’Leary of Emersons. The man behind the now extinct Limburg and (along with Richard Emerson) brewing some amazing beers down in the Deep South, Chris would be the ideal man in the front row. Precision in both brewing and throwing the ball into lineouts. Smashing! The role model for the younger members of the team, Father O’Leary would be as cunning as Sean Fitzpatrick with the skills to boot. Can’t you see him sneaking out there on the wing ready for the match-winning try?

Warming the ball up over the kettle... a technique extremely helpful on those frosty Dunedin days (photo courtesy of Jed Soane of the awesome http://www.thebeerproject.com

 

Number 3 – Tighthead Prop

With the height and power of Vasta on one side of the front row, there can be only one choice for the other lad that is to prop up the mighty O’Leary. Joseph Wood of Liberty Brewing is definitely the man for the job. Unprecedented prowess with sideburns that could trip up Jonah Lomu, Wood would have both the aggression and the smarts to turn even the toughest scrum. Ball in hand would be a formidable sight as the gentleman of the NZ brewing scene would definitely take it “up the guts”. I imagine Jo “King” Wood would be akin to All Black legend, Richard Loe. The gentlemanly version…

Imagine this powerful chap chasing you down the sideline wearing that t-shirt. Brewing legend!

 

Stay tuned for tomorrow when I will unleash the New Zealand Brewing Dream Team Tight Five!!

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